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Sociological Images The Society Pages (TSP) is an open-access social science project headquartered in the Department of Sociology at the University of Minnesota Women seeking men 2015. Dating site OKCupid did an analysis of 500,000 inquiry messages to determine what keywords correlate most strongly with getting a reply. It has some great lessons about dating and some counter-stereotypical news about what heterosexual women want from men.

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This first graph shows that mentioning someone’s level of attractiveness decreased the likelihood of getting a response (for both men and women), though men were more likely to mention looks. But general compliments about one’s profile increased the likelihood of getting a response (the middle line is the average number of responses, the green bars signify an increase in the number of responses, and the red bars a decrease): A good lesson in operationalization: “pretty” is used in two ways in our culture, so when they made sure to differentiate between pretty (meaning “sort of”) and pretty (meaning “attractive”), you can see clearly the way that commenting on looks decreases the recipients’ interest: So, in contrast to stereotypes, many women cannot be flattered into a date (though the figure above includes men and women, I’m assuming most people being called “pretty” are female). Further, the site found that when men sent messages, female recipients preferred humility to bold self-confidence. The words below all increased the chances of a woman responding to a man’s inquiry: Instead of bravado and flattery, women appear to actually like men who take an interest in them. They respond positively to phrases that indicate that a guy actually read their profile and is interested in the content of their person: The lesson: Treat a woman (on the OK Cupid dating site) like a human being and she will respond positively. And to answer the question, “What do women want?” As my dear friend David Landsberg would say: “Everything!” This post originally appeared in 2009. Lisa Wade, PhD is an Associate Professor at Tulane University. She is the author of American Hookup , a book about college sexual culture, a textbook about gender, and a forthcoming introductory text: Terrible Magnificent Sociology . You can follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Comments 64. Reanimated Horse — September 28, 2009. I am on OKCupid, and I don't have a real profile, but rather an advisory" one for men who stumble across it. It's totally relevant here, so without editing it for sociologists, I'm sharing it. Enjoy. Tom Smith — September 28, 2009. I'm pleased to see that people also respond well to those who know the difference between "you're" and "your". another constellation — September 28, 2009. I sort of want to print off hundreds of copies of this entry and start handing them out whenever I hear cat calls. Study Says: Calling Women Pretty Makes Them More Likely To Reject You | Scanner — September 28, 2009. [. ] Says: Calling Women Pretty Makes Them More Likely To Reject You Posted by James Brady Ryan Apparently, women want you to be interested in their personalities! What is that [. ] Brian — September 28, 2009. The flipside is that one can spam out thousands of generic "You're hot, wanna bump uglies?" fearsome fast. The guys who're doing that don't care about the rate of success, but the rate of success multiplied by the number of attempts. George — September 28, 2009. I wonder how these results hold up outside of the internet. I don't know, but I can imagine that a compliment such as "you look nice" on the internet comes off as creepy, but in person it might be well taken. Amias — September 28, 2009. I think that on the internet, in terms of looks, women put their best foot forward. The photo shown usually puts them in the best possible light, so if a man responds to them physically, they are naturally hesitant given that this physicality was carefully premeditated. Thus, when men attempt to attract them using physical compliments or commenting on their attractiveness, women are aware of the construction of the physical attractiveness the man is reacting to. Furthermore, it could be theorized that common amongst women (or people in general) on dating sites is the desire to look for romance and love irregardless of physical appearance, or at the very least, that they seek to have their physical attractiveness play less of a role in their choice of a partner, ie "I want someone to love me for me." Therefore they would respond with less degree when they are approached on primarily physical grounds. Adam — September 28, 2009. I am glad to be able to read such things, whether they be completely true or not. People try to figure out what is good and what is bad. A relationship will never last on looks alone. So thats why I don't think so badly of internet dating, cause you get to know the person, before you see them. The people that are just yelling you're hot, you're sexy. etc. right away arent after a meaningful relationship.. True beauty is not what the eye can see. Inner beauty will shine farther then outer. Let your inside become your outside. If i go around saying to every girl that looks good. You're hot. It doesnt mean anything. You tend to mean it less. The people that you are telling know they look good, specially if you are taken to walk up to them and tell them. Girls are more then looks, they have brains and want us to know it. Taking interest in something more then their shell means a lot more to them then telling them how hot they are. Oh. and dudes stop saying "hot" that just seems slutty. Cute, pretty, adorable, etc are more acceptable terms. Just think, you are trying to figure them out, to the point where you try to figure what to say..I promise you they are doing that too. xgetsthesquare: OKCupid looked at 500,000 inquiry messages… » House of Naked — September 28, 2009. [. ] What Do Women Want?* » Sociological Images [. ] iLinkSpam 2.0 (29th September, 2009) | Geek Feminism Blog — September 28, 2009. [. ] Images discusses the OKCupid data on which approaches do and don’t work in online [. ] Allen Davis — September 29, 2009. Hilarious. Check out www.shitmybfsays.com and www.shitmygfsays.com. Craig — September 29, 2009. ". many women cannot be flattered into a date. " I don't know if the data show that. Referring to someone as "cool," "fascinating," or (Lord help us) "awesome" seem just as likely to me to constitute flattery as using words like "cute," "hot," or "beautiful." I mean, the Grand Canyon is "awesome." Some kid's OKCupid profile is probably a trifle less overpowering. What we might be able to say is that many women can not be flattered into a date on the grounds of their _appearances_. Praising their thoughts, interests and experiences seems to go a lot farther. But that's just as capable of being "flattery" as anything else. I've flattered a few bosses and clients in my time, and I've never called any of them "sexy." Andrew — September 29, 2009. I notice that the graphs represent not how many messsages result in an actual date, but rather a reply. Crucial difference here. If you get a thoughtful/personal message from someone you're not interested in, it would seem very rude not to at least send a polite note back. But if you're merely getting hit on for your photo, there's no such feeling of obligation. It tends to work the same way on gay male dating sites, which are less subtle about their photo-driven meat-market approach. So perhaps this says less about what women want than about the social norms of flirtation. I'd be interested to see a similar graph that shows which opening lines resulted in an actual date! Village Idiot — September 29, 2009. Ok, so based on the graphs I've written the perfect online dating site introduction: Cool! It's nice that I found your profile. It was fascinating. No, it was more than that. It was awesome. I had pretty much given up on finding that special someone online, even though I was pretty sure that I am a pretty good catch. I know this message is unexpected, and I'm sorry, and by that I mean I truly apologize if it puts you into a pretty awkward situation. You're probably kinda curious what I thought as I read your profile. Your name caught my attention right away.


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